The Deal with Singlehood

Valentine’s Day. We know it as the day of hearts. Love Day.

For some single people, it has become  SINGLE AWARENESS DAY.

For other single people, it is THANK YOU, LORD, I’M SINGLE! Day.

You heard me right.

First, let’s strengthen this fact: being SINGLE doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. God works in seasons, loving people and watching over them even before the day of their birth to the time of their death. His hand is not too short to supply the husband or the wife He has in mind for you.

Psalm 139:16-17  speaks about every day having been written in the book of the Lord: “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!” And in the Book of Ecclesiastes, life is described in seasons: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…” (Ecc. 3:1). Marriage will have its time; it will come in a season ordained by God.

Singlehood should be seen as a God-ordained period when God wants us to Himself. It is during this season of singlehood that a person can do many things and learn many things that only he or she could  do while being single. Family responsibilities related to having children or running a household don’t tie single people down yet. I know of many who use their singlehood wisely and go on mission trips. There are others, meanwhile, who use these years to build capital, saving up for a family that they know God will give them. And there are still others who use this time to build knowledge, taking extra units in school.

Singlehood shouldn’t be marked by anger or despair. It should be marked with a positivity that each day is worthwhile; that each day is filled with promise. In singlehood, we shouldn’t let loneliness stop us from living and dreaming and working. Romance shouldn’t be the end-goal of our lives. We don’t live simply to marry.

Of course, this is not to downplay the importance of marriage. We know God loves marriage. We see the Bible start and end with a marriage. In Genesis, we see God Himself uniting Adam with Eve. In Revelation, we see the marriage of the Lamb (Jesus) and His bride (the Church) coming together in a wedding banquet. One sees a full expression of love when marriage enters the picture.

For those who are still single, remember this: God IS POWERFUL enough to bring two people together. He’s God. I believe God still  speaks to His children and is still in the matchmaking business. I also believe that in His love for us, He wants marriage to be a VERY good gift FROM HIM to us.

I must admit: I am one of those people who have been single all my life. People who see me are shocked when they find out about this because I am not exactly ugly,  neither am I the type to lack suitors. I have had to say “No”  out of obedience to God even if I have tried to pull strings, cry my eyes out, and even fast. And when I have wanted to say “Yes” to the wrong men, God has always had a powerful way of yanking any potential relationship out of my grasp.

When these things happen, can I say that my pain matters to God? YES. Psalm 56:8 says, “You [God] keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” It’s during these hard, heartbreaking times that a person can see God as the One who completes him or her—no other man or woman can take His role.  And when we go to God bringing the little shards of our heart—our little offering of five loaves and two fish—we can rest in the fact that God can use our heartbreaks to bring life to us and to a multitude who are watching us.

So why am I still single? (The big question!) My life has been dedicated to God. This means that every facet of my life belongs to Him—especially the choice of my marriage partner.

Does this mean that I will stay single forever? No. I have heard God speak to me clearly that I will indeed be married. Do I know single people who will be single their whole lives? I remember asking a friend about her romance, and she said that God told her she wasn’t to marry. It was okay with her. Again, romance isn’t the end goal of life.

Plus, I believe that overwhelming grace is given to whom it is necessary.

To those who are single— we should be able to say that today is worth living. Tomorrow is also worth looking forward to. For Valentine’s Day, let’s take time to speak and spend time with the Lover of our souls, thanking Him for our completeness IN HIM. Let’s use our season wisely, making the best of the opportunities that God sends our way.